I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize