I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
