Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
