The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize