Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
