So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize