One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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