Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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