So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
