I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
