Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize