I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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