y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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