hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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