she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
