I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
