this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
