Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
