Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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