well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
