when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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