I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
