He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
