Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
