This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
