did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize