you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
