I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
