the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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