This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
