Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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