why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
