she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
