P.S. I can't hear my feet
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
organizing the empties. That sober.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
