you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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