you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
All I want is dick and wine.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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