and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
