i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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