He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
