opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize