My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
