My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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