Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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