Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
