This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
soo... how was my night?
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