he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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