So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
