Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
