apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
