So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
