my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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