Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize