I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
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