He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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