Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
