saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
