a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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