The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
