Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
