hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
