Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
