I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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