I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
