Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize
