Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He passed out mid-signature
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Pants are for mortals
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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