dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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