ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
