It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
