You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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