I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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