i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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