6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Bring me that man meat
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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