I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize