maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize