if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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