He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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