I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
