She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
