You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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