I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
