plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I love having hate sex.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
