I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
