So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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