Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
