I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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