It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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