I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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