somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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