You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
