The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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