...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
