he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
So vagazzling was a success
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
