it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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