My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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