Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
