ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
