Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
