She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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