You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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