I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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